to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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