Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
