The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
