I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
