What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
