New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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