Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I want to fling myself into the sun
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
