its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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