john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
