Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
