I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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