sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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