that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
