If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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