I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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