Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
