Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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