Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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