White coat. Heels.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
