Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
