His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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