The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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