She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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