My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
