Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
