White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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