porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize