So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize