I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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