Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
