just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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