I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
