Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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