you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Vodka?
Forever.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
