can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
