i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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