Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
