looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
