hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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