Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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