I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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