If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
