I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
