I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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