Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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