What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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