He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
tell your sister to shave her snatch
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
