I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize