My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
This is my gift to your gina
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
