there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
