I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize