frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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