I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize