I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
