So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
