Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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