That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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