don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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