I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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