You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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