Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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