let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
