Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
