I can text with my tongue
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
