I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
