The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize