Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Randomize
