It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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